


The Impossible Choice

by padfootagain



Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 10:10:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17262332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padfootagain/pseuds/padfootagain
Summary: Your relationship with Ben is pretty much flawless, but one of your colleague might complicate everything…





	1. Fairytale

**Author's Note:**

> On-going series, I hope you all like it :)

You were counting the minutes by now. Counting the seconds even, that were left before you were free from work. Not that you didn’t enjoy your job, on the contrary. But you were to see your boyfriend tonight and you couldn’t wait to see him again…

‘Boyfriend'… you were not really used to this word yet, but it sounded so good on your tongue whenever you spoke it. It was the beginning of the story you shared with him, but what a story already.

The way the two of you had met was cliché as hell. Wrong coffee in a Starbuck. A few jokes exchanged, and no more table available, so you both ended up sharing the only two seats left. Talking was easy with him. It was fluid. As if he were an old friend you had missed for so long. He was funny and just the right balance between confident and shy…

It had taken you two dates to realize that Ben was famous, but he only laughed as you finally noticed who he was. At least, it was proving him that you didn’t care about his work at all.

You and Ben had met just two months ago, and yet you felt like a teenager all over again. Butterflies in your stomach, warm cheeks, your heart that rushed under your ribs at the mere sight of him…

You kept on telling yourself that you were ridiculous for reacting this way around him, but you didn’t have a choice. You couldn’t control anything around him.

And even if you didn’t know him for so long, you couldn’t control your feelings for him either, nor the fact that they kept on strengthening for every day that passed.

You looked at your watch again, and heaved a tired sigh.

You heard a chuckle coming from behind you, and recognized Jack handing you a cup of coffee.

“Already tired of working?” your colleague laughed at you as you thanked him and took the hot beverage he offered.

“Just longing to be tonight already,” you answered with a smile.

Your other colleague, Mary, soon appeared next to Jack and grabbed a chair to sit by your side.

“Oh, so you’re seeing Prince Charming again!”

“Don’t call him like that,” you rolled your eyes at her comment but couldn’t refrain a little smile nonetheless.

“I’m sorry, but you have him so deep under your skin already, it’s kind of a bit disgusting. Too cheesy.”

You laughed, but your cheeks warmed up, making your two colleagues chuckle. You hid your face in your coffee instead of replying.

“When do you see him?” Mary asked with an unhidden curiosity

“Tonight.”

“Yes, but when? Where are you going?”

“Hmm… I don’t know. I think we’ll just watch something on Netflix and have some pizza.”

“Romantic…” Jack snorted.

“What’s wrong with watching a movie together?”

Jack shrugged.

“I’m just saying… I’ve seen more romantic evenings.”

You rolled your eyes again.

“I’m going to enjoy a very good evening with my boyfriend,” you replied. “What about you anyway? Something planned for tonight?”

“Oh, you know… same old, same old. Probably gonna drop by to see my parents.”

“I think we should find Jack a girlfriend,” Mary sang.

“Don’t you dare!” your colleague laughed.

“Actually, that could work! We should! I have a friend of mine who’s very kind, you know? I’m sure you would get along,” you offered.

“Thank you, but I don’t need your help.”

“You’ve been single for months!” Mary protested.

“I don’t need you to find me a girlfriend, Mary. Stop it!”

“What now… would you have someone in mind already?”

He drank up a gulp of coffee, but his cheeks turned crimson nonetheless.

“Oh, there is someone!” you squealed excitedly. “Who is she? Where did you meet?”

“Drop it,” he merely mumbled under his breath.

You could feel that he was uncomfortable, so you didn’t insist. Instead, you drew the conversation towards Mary and her secret admirer.

And he was silently thankful for it.

After all, how could he tell you that you were the one he loved?

——————————————————

One more symptom of your heavy crush on your boyfriend: it took you ages to get ready.

Yes, you were just about to go spend a quiet night at Ben’s flat, but still. You felt excited. Not nervous, just excited. You couldn’t wait to be there already as you travelled in bus through London.

Perhaps you were diving too fast in his arms. Perhaps you trusted him too much already. Perhaps you should have stopped yourself from falling.

But with him, the fall felt so sweet…

You finally walked out of the bus and into the street, making your way through all these strangers passing by. It had rained during the morning and the pavement was still wet and slippery under your shoes. Beyond the buildings that surrounded you, the sun was slowly falling, leaving the sky for the moon to enjoy alone, but shedding golden lights as a goodbye to the world. You took a deep breath, the scent of rain and food filling your nostrils. And for a moment, you felt so peaceful…

You hurried anyway to Ben’s flat, your excitement barely diminished by the calm evening outside. Your boyfriend needed just a few seconds to open the door, appearing with an excited grin on his face.

“Hello, gorgeous,” he gave you a mocking wink while he remained on the threshold with you, making you roll your eyes and laugh.

“Good evening, Ben. Care to let me in?”

You saw his cheeks turn a little bit red, along with the tip of his ears, and he stuttered under his breath an apology as he finally let you walk in his home.

You merely laughed at him in response.

“It was just a joke,” you reassured him.

“Well, I wish I could say the same. But you do look gorgeous.”

It was your time to shy away by walking further into his flat.

“So… what have you planned for tonight?” you asked him after a short silence.

“We agreed on pizza and movie, right?”

You were stopped a few feet away from the sofa as Ben wrapped his arms around you from behind, burying his face in your hair.

He took a long and deep intake of breath, just to memorize the way your sweet shampoo mingled with your scent. He felt so addicted to you already…

Just a little over two months of relationship, and yet he had you so deep under his skin already. He had feelings for you, feelings he couldn’t dare to name just yet, but he couldn’t ignore their strength either. He couldn’t remember feeling this way so fast for anyone before. He guessed that you were special. He silently laughed at himself, tightening his hold on you as he relaxed under your touch, your hands running along his forearms. Of course you were special. He had known it the moment he had kissed you for the first time…

“How was your day?” he asked, his voice shushed by your hair, and the sound made you smile.

“All was fine. I think Mary wants to play matchmaker for one of our colleagues,” you laughed.

“Really?”

“Yeah… he’s been single for a while now. And Mary might look crazy… okay, let me say that again. Mary might _be_ crazy, but she always wants to help everyone.”

Ben chuckled, and you grinned at the sensation of his chest moving against your back.

“Well, as long as she doesn’t try to play matchmaker on you…” he joked, making you laugh as well. “Cause you’re taken.”

“Now, now… am I?” you teased him, turning around in his arms to face him.

“You are. Taken. I want to keep you all for myself.”

“Really? Possessive are we, Mr. Barnes?”

“You can’t imagine.”

You chuckled against his lips as you went on your tiptoes to kiss him. And soon you and Ben were kissing tenderly, but your two grins never left your lips anyway.

“What about you? How was your day?” you asked him softly, running your hand through his hair.

He shrugged.

“Not much to say. I went to this audition, I’ll have an answer in a few days.”

“I hope you can have this job! You worked hard to get ready, and I’m sure it’ll show.”

“Yeah… I don’t know… Some other guys there seemed very good…”

You gave him a reassuring smile. It was not the first time you had to comfort him and help him through one of his confidence crises. You just wished he could see what you saw in him.

“I’m sure it’s going to be fine.”

He heaved a sigh.

“Let’s talk about something else. I’m starving, aren’t you?”

“I am,” you nodded.

But you noticed easily that his expression remained worried as you settled on the sofa together, starting to watch a movie. You chose to let it slide for now, guessing that he would talk soon about what worried him so much.

You were soon lying on the sofa together, cuddling, the rests of the pizza still in the box on the ground. But no matter the distraction that the movie provided, Ben still seemed worried.

After a while, you couldn’t refrain the question that burnt your tongue anymore.

“Is there something wrong, Ben?”

“No, nothing. I’m just fine.”

He tightened his hold on you in the sofa, and the gesture meant that he was lying.

“Did I do something wrong?” you asked in a shushed voice.

He laughed your silly thought away.

“Of course not! I’m so glad you’re with me tonight…”

He captured your lips to shush your next question, running his hands through your hair. And though the kiss was tender and passionate, it tasted like Ben was trying to carve the moment in his memory. Like he was afraid that it could end…

You broke the kiss with a shy frown, tilting your head to the side with a questioning look.

“Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” you asked him softly, stroking his cheek in a soothing caress.

He heaved a sigh, his will faltering.

“I was just thinking about this job… you know… the audition I went to today.”

“I’m sure you did amazing, Ben.”

“No, it's… it’s not about that…”

His hand fell from your hair to cup your face, his thumb stroking your cheekbone and making you shiver delightfully.

“If I have this role, I’ll be gone for months,” he whispered.

“I know.”

“Won’t that be a problem?”

“Why would it be a problem?”

Ben shrugged.

“We’ve never talked about what distance would do to us…”

“I don’t think it’ll do anything to us, Ben.”

“How can you know that? It wouldn’t be the first time that two people break up because of this.”

You sat up and he quickly imitated you. You stared right into his dark brown eyes, making sure that he could read the truth in your gaze.

“Ben, I knew when we started dating and I realized that you were an actor that you would have to travel. And I signed up for all this anyway.”

You took his hand in yours, your touch reassuring.

“I don’t intend to let our relationship crumble just because a few thousand of miles are getting between us.”

You could read in his eyes that your words touched him, but his smile was happy as well.

“I’m glad you feel this way. Because I really don’t want to jeopardize… this,” he added with a vague and rather clumsy gesture between the two of you.

“This?” you asked back with a mocking tone.

“Us… you understood what I meant.”

“You’re cute when you blush, Ben.”

He laughed.

“Well, you’re always cute,” he replied with a fake honeyed voice.

“You’re terrible at flirting!”

“I’m just trying to make you laugh.”

“It’s working.”

He wrapped his arms around you again and pulled you down with him, making you lie upon him on the sofa, holding you close to him.

“Just… while I’m gone,” he breathed, his tone serious again. “Just try not to fall in love with another man, would you?”

You rolled your eyes before looking up at him.

“Your trust in me is so little that you think that I could cheat on you?”

“Of course not.”

“I didn’t know you were the kind of guy to be jealous.”

He laughed.

“I’m not jealous. I’m just saying… Maybe while I’m away you could meet someone else.”

“That could happen to you too.”

But Ben shook his head, his fingers wandering across your cheek.

“I care about you way too much for that.”

You rested your chin upon his chest, a bright grin on your lips and your heart beating so fast.

“I care about you too,” you smiled, your voice shaking with emotions.

“Not as much as I care about you,” he replied.

“I don’t believe you…”

But he pulled you to him and crushed your lips together, his hand slipping under your T-shirt bringing a smile to your face.

“If you’d like,” he proposed in a husky voice, “I could show you…”


	2. Love

“I really don’t think that it’s fair.”

“I didn’t cheat! That’s the rules!”

“I’m broke…”

“Pay your debts, Benjamin. Or surrender.”

Ben heaved a dramatic sigh, before pushing all the fake money towards you.

“I can’t believe I’m also losing at Monopoly…”

You couldn’t refrain a happy wave of laughter to pass your lips, and Ben soon joined you, trying to fake an annoyed expression despite his grin.

“I’m never playing with you again,” he complained. “You keep on winning at everything!”

“You’re just not that lucky today,” you shrugged his remark away.

A saddened glint blurred the joy in his dark brown eyes, and his smile grew fonder as it slowly shrank on his lips.

“I know. Bad day.”

You pushed the game away and crawled closer to him, enough for him to wrap his arms around you and pull you down to lay on the ground with him. You rested your head upon his shoulder letting him run his hands through your hair and across your back in a soothing touch, that made a faint sigh escape your lungs. Next to you, the game you had played laid abandoned on the carpet. The ground under you felt a little cold, but you didn’t mind, welcoming Ben’s warmth as it spread across your body. You let your eyelids fall upon your eyes, focusing on the rhythm of Ben’s breathing.

“I don’t want to leave.”

His voice was low and deep, warm as fire and yet you could hear the fragile cracks in his tone, and the sound made you look up at him again.

“I’m sure this job is going to be amazing,” you reassured him.

He slowly nodded.

“I don’t want to leave you,” he repeated, as to make his thoughts clearer, his intentions plainer.

You gave him a tender smile, not trusting your words just yet, your heart beating too fast for that.

“You’ll wait for me, right?” he asked in a whisper.

“Of course, Ben. You don’t have to worry about this.”

“I would be a fool not to worry about this.”

“Ben…”

“I trust you, that’s not the point,” he interrupted you before you could start arguing. “I’m not jealous, I’m just… Afraid you’ll forget me.”

You couldn’t supress an amused smile this time.

“Forget you? Do you really think that I could forget that pretty face of yours after just a couple of months?”

You exchanged a smile.

“Besides, I’m pretty sure that at least one of your movies will be on TV while you’re gone… just to annoy me…”

You both let out a chuckle.

“Of course, I’ve planned everything,” he joked. “Called the right people…”

“I knew it…”

But he interrupted you again, shushing you by pressing his lips to yours.

You were used to his kisses, never tired of their tastes and the feelings they brought to your heart. By now, you knew the different kind of kisses he used: the happy ones, the stupid ones, the lazy ones… But this one felt a little different. It felt almost like he was afraid that it could be the last…

You pulled away just enough to dive into his gaze, resting your fingers on his cheeks covered with stubble.

“I’m not going anywhere. And I expect daily reports on what is going on on this set,” you smiled. “Do you understand? Daily reports. I want to know all the juicy stories about your castmates.”

Ben couldn’t help but laugh, nodding his head.

“Yes, Ma'am,” he grinned.

He rested his lips against your forehead, closing his eyes and letting his whole frame relax against you. You started to absent-mindedly play with his fingers, your gaze getting out of focus.

Ben’s fear about the impact of distance on your relationship slowly sank in, and the more you came to think of it, the more you shared his worry. Distance had broken many couples before, you didn’t want the same to happen to you and Ben. You knew the depth of your feelings for him, you were scared of it actually. After just a few months spent by his side, your feelings had already grown so much…

What if he didn’t feel the same? What if his feelings for you disappeared because of this lack of your presence by his side?

“Ben?”

He merely hummed against your skin in response, the vibrations causing your heart to speed up.

“I care about you, you know that, right?”

He frowned at the sound of your voice, fragile and barely a whisper. He kept his lips against your brow to speak again though.

“I care about you too, Y/N.”

You bit down your lip, hesitating… perhaps it was safer if you didn’t speak these words first, but on the other hand, you didn’t want Ben to leave without knowing the way you felt.

You had put words on your feelings long ago, it was just time to speak them out loud.

“I love you.”

You felt his body tensing against you, but you recognized a smile on his lips after a few seconds. He pressed a tender kiss against your skin. For a moment, he didn’t move, and you thought he would not say it back, that he didn’t share your feelings.

But you couldn’t have been more wrong, he was just trying to process the information you had just revealed.

You loved him… he had hoped you would share his feelings, he had wished so hard for it…

“I love you too, Y/N.”

He tightened his hold on you, and you imitated him, grinning like an idiot as happiness flooded through your veins. You tried to look up at him, but he cradled your head in his large hand, his long fingers sinking in your hair, and he kept your brow pressed against his lips, breathing deeply the sweet perfume of your shampoo.

“Let’s make time stop for a little while,” he proposed. “I love you. And you love me back. Now, life is good. So… let’s pretend that we can freeze time in this precise moment forever. Please?”

You smiled tenderly, closing your eyes.

“Well, you lost again at Monopoly, I guess I can let you win on this one.”

——————————————————

Ben’s mind was elsewhere. He was happy to be home, with his family, and yet… yet he couldn’t bring himself to focus on this moment he was lucky to share with the ones he loved.

For a part, it was the excitement at the dawn of a long journey. The rush of adrenaline flowing through his veins at the thought of beginning a new adventure. A new job was the promise of discovering new landscapes, new ways to work, new friends… He was relieved to still be this excited for a new project after all these years spent acting.

But excitement wasn’t the only feeling shaking his frame enough to prevent him from focusing on anything properly. There was a sadness in his brown eyes as well, soft but vivid, that also tainted his smile that night.

He hadn’t left Britain yet, and he missed you already.

He threw a small smile at his family, laughing and talking loudly, before opening the door leading to the garden. The cold breeze of the evening stung his cheeks, but he welcomed the vivifying cold. He stepped into the soft grass, the evening dew wetting the tip of his shoes. He breathed deeply the fresh air drenched in the scent of the late roses in bloom. In the sky, the dying sun was painting golden shapes on the blue canvas, far above the dark rooftops of London. In the distance, the whispers of the busy city shook the silence.

It was soothing, the quiet, calm evening around him eased his mind a little.

A smile big enough to reach his eyes formed on his lips at the thought of this afternoon, of this time spent with you, of this confession exchanged in whispers…

What had he done to be granted the right to have you loving him? He had no idea. But he was so happy to be lucky enough to own your heart the same way you owned his.

He jumped as a hand was rested on his shoulder, and only then did he realize that he was now standing still, in the middle of his parents’ garden.

“What’s going on in your crazy head again?”

Ben smiled at his younger brother, but again, the gesture was not earnest enough to enlighten his dark brown eyes.

“Nothing important.”

But his brother narrowed his eyes, far from being convinced.

“You’re a terrible liar, Ben,” he shook his head.

“I’m an actor!”

“Doesn’t mean you’re good at lying.”

Ben let out a chuckle.

“I guess you’re right.”

“So… are you going to start talking? Or do I have to use one of Mum’s methods?”

“You wouldn’t dare use her psychological methods on me.”

“Are you sure about that?”

They both exchanged a laugh.

“Is it because of your journey? Your new job?”

Ben looked at his brother for a moment, choosing to remain silent for a little longer. He smiled at him after a while nonetheless. He hadn’t talked to his family about you yet. But he guessed it was time to welcome the questions the announcement would arise.

“I’ve met someone,” Ben spoke slowly. “I’m going to miss her.”

The younger sibling rose an amused eyebrow.

“And you didn’t tell me sooner?! For how long have you two been together?”

“A few months,” Ben shrugged, dodging the question.

“Months?! Months and you’ve never mentioned her to me?”

“I know… I enjoyed the lack of questions, I guess,” Ben teased.

“How is she?”

Ben heaved a dreamy sigh, burying his hands in his pockets and rising his gaze towards the bleeding sky.

“She's… amazing,” Ben let out in a shaking breath, a tender smile forming on his lips as he pictured your face upon the heavens. “She’s funny and smart and kind and… beautiful and… amazing.”

“You sound like you love her.”

Ben slowly nodded.

“I do. I do love her.”

A grin formed on his lips as he could hear your words echoing in his ears again, the three words that had brightened his whole life…

“I love her. And she loves me too.”

He finally looked at his brother again, his cheeks reddening slightly.

“I’ve never been away since we met… it feels strange to think that I’ll be away from her,” Ben went on.

“If she is as wonderful as you describe her, and if she really shares your feelings, then I’m sure everything will go just fine for the two of you, despite the distance.”

Ben nodded.

“I’m sure you’re right. I’m just… I’m just sad to leave her.”

He laughed at himself.

“I thought I was used to it though, the travels, the distance in a relationship… but this time I… I really don’t want to leave. Usually, I can always reason myself that it’s part of the job. But not this time. This time… it feels like it’s not worth missing her.”

His brother rested his hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“It sounds like you really do have her deep under your skin already!” he teased.

But Ben didn’t laugh, on the contrary, his eyes cloaked themselves with a soft sadness again.

“I know. What is happening to me, right?” he breathed.

“I’m glad you’ve found someone who makes you happy.”

But Ben eventually shook himself, looking at his brother with a merrier smile again.

“What about you? Still single?”

His brother merely shrugged.

“Yeah… Still single.”

But there was something off in his tone. Something a little strange, and Ben recognized the signs immediately, knowing that there was something hidden behind his simple answer.

“There’s something more though,” he pushed his sibling to answer. “Does that mean that you’ve met someone?”

“I don’t want to talk about it…”

“Oh, come on!”

“You hid your relationship for months.”

“I didn’t hide my relationship,” Ben rolled his eyes. “I just didn’t mention it.”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

“You can tell me, I won’t repeat anything to anyone!”

“I hate you.”

“You love me. Come on!”

His brother finally gave up in a sigh.

“There’s this… woman at work…”

Ben hummed in approbation.

“And?”

“And… I like her… a lot…”

“Like?”

“Love.”

Ben narrowed his eyes.

“But?”

“But… she’s not single.”

“Oh…”

Ben seemed to think for a moment.

“So, this woman… she doesn’t know that you have feelings for her, right?” Ben asked.

“No, she doesn’t. Of course not, she’s not even single.”

“Perhaps you should tell her.”

“Are you mad?”

Ben shrugged in response.

“If you don’t tell her, then you will never know if she could feel the same.”

“She seems pretty happy with her boyfriend.”

“How can you know? Perhaps if you made a move she would change her mind. I mean… you could still tell her that you like her. That you don’t expect anything in return, but you think that she should know. You respect her relationship and won't… misbehave, but the feelings are there.”

“Misbehave?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Misbehave? You studied English language for 5 years and the best word you can find is ‘misbehave’?”

“You know what I mean. You should tell her. Who knows what could happen?”

“She could slap me… hate me…”

“And you could both end up miserable because you never had the courage to tell her.”

“You’re the one to talk! You’re the one who usually turns into a stuttering mess when he has a crush.”

“My girlfriend loves it,” Ben replied with a laugh.

“I’ll think about it. Thanks for the advice.”

They both turned back towards the house as their mother called for them, exchanging another smile before walking towards their parents’ home again.

And while he walked across the patch of green grass, Jack wondered if he should follow his brother’s advice.

Should Jack really tell you how he felt?

If only the two of them knew…


End file.
